Monday, March 03, 2008

My own version of the random walk theory..

I looked to the books for inspiration..they were strewn around...but I was listless and fidgety..movies did not help..introspection was a scary thought....at least right now ....A lot has happened and more will follow....I guess someone needs to record it..for later when I am old and less wise..I can look back dispassionately and find patterns..I can look back unemotionally..for that pretty pink thread....I can look back with indulgence and laugh at my naivety..I can make a jigsaw where this piece fits perfectly...

As an aside...I have been told I have a good memory..I can recite passages of Shakespeare verbatim.. I read those some 8 years back...I can remember random poems..word from word..lyrics of all songs I have ever heard...I can tell you about Greek and Roman mythology..and all through my MBA career I was wishing I could exchange this for something more practical..something which would make me less of a misfit in the business world..So when today, in a class I am taking..when the professor recited my favorite passages from "Ulysses" verbatim..I found myself reciting along ...when the discussion veered to Greek mythology..I found myself smiling..there is still hope I find..

Forward to the past..
I have mentioned before that when I become too aware of the fact that people read this blog..I feel stifled and cant express enough..but given my hiatus..I think the possibility is pretty microscopic...so I'll tell myself that no one is reading this..

So what happened between the last time I updated this post and now.?? Lots actually. It all started with the Mck shortlist n then BCG n then ATK n then Diamond, HUL....I just had to send in my resume..and my name would be there on the shortlist...bizarre..eyebrows were raised..tactics were questioned..resumes were demanded..with a GMAT of 760, a job ex at Oracle, and a batch topping CG frm BITS..I still went around offering explanations...hating myself for it..so neway I was lulled into a false sense of security...though I was still as confused as ever...but started consulting prep...n then the bubble burst..5 companies on day 0..n none worked out..no applications for the subsequent days..since I hadn't made any!!!

Looking back now I can think of a million reasons of what went wrong and why this happened and why that did not happen..but it really does not matter...but an experience like this shakes you up..You come with a set of notions and values..u are forced to change it given the circumstances..u embrace the new set of values eagerly..there is a lot at stake you think...u go through the motions sincerely..so sincerely that the line is blurred and wht u were no longer exists...at least u can no longer remember it...since there is a new story being spun..and you have been selected as one of the actors..but the story is too powerful..or you are too impressionable..

And just when the line completely fades..is this last minute change to the script..and u are forced to return to what u were before..to the person u were so willing to forget..to either return..or to seek a new part..a new play..one which feels more right..one which does not demand compliance..though the old story does make u question ur abilities and wonder when was it that u started acting..was it just the previous story..or did it go further back than that..do u question the person u are based on the 30 min verdict of 5 people ?? I don't know..I'll never know..

But anyway I managed to push in my resume to one of the firms on campus..who were kind enough to interview me and so I do have a job..But neway enough of my diary

After a void so long when u do sit down to write, u tend to look for inspiration..since ur unsure..

I had a couple of completely random interview experiences....
One walk-in
Interviewer: So whats ur fathers name
Me: blah blah
Interviewer: Mother, sisters, dog!!
Me: blah blah, blah!!!!
Interviewer: Are you married?
Me : (furious) blah blah@^$#^
Interviewer: Have you found someone??
Me :(faints)

Another:
After the usual family tree had been sketched out
Interviewer: So tell me about an ethical dilemma
Me: (well rehearsed)blah blah, blah!!!!
Interviewer: Ahh so Oracle..so what ethical issues did you face there?
Me : (slightly shaky now) blah blah(unconvincing)
Interviewer: Ahh so teams..tell me about an ethical issue you sorted out
Me : (checking the job description to confirm that I was not interviewing as an HR to a nunnery) blah blah(weakly)

Term 8 promises to be relaxing..and I have been busy..watched No Man's land...everyone should see it..and then watched Jodha Akbar n Welcome..about the latter..it was as traumatic an experience as my interviews but Jodha was different..trying to pass of a very average old-bollywoodish-vapid-histrionicsish love story under the garb of a period film..well people can see through it, and add to that an Akbar more concerned about his biceps than his subjects, a simpering Jodha Bai who dons some crouching-tiger-hidden-dragonish get up to seduce and simper when not ogling at a six pack Akbar or screeching an extremely tuneless Bhajan to disrupt the few instances when Akbar tries to rule..the music tried to save the film..but quelled under the combined influence of the Bhai Jaan and his rasping histrionics and Akbar's futile taming the elephant stunts and a very Troy inspired duel.



15 comments:

Ravish said...

Congratulations.

Cheers!!

Dhurv Bhalla said...

hi.. nice posts.. very well written..
do check out my blog as well.. has a few Poems I wrote.. though they're nothing gr8.. but aren't that bad as well :)

http://dhuvgr8.blogspot.com
Thanks
Dhruv

Saroj Mishra said...

Hi

read your blog again although i promised i will never,some promises are hard to keep, fortunately.

placement is the time when everyone shows thr true colors. i dont only mean frnds who start avoiding you or speaking behind you , also it's a time when you show your true cors your ability to make a good jodgement, take the stress , confidence, poise.

its a test of life only in future all of you will not have day 0 , day 1etc. there will be 365 days and you would have no clue where placements are happening.

unfortunately the way you have understood is that you have changed and now you have come back to your true self.

rather what happens and what will happen agin when you work is that " YOUR perception" of your "image" and your "likeability" with peers superiors and subordinates is always 50% right.the other 50 % is the way they see you , in different contexts.

i got a feeling you dont like yourself that much. surprised since i cannot seem to not like you without having met you.


So welcome to the world where romance ends and life begins.

i have been searching for a life like that where the two meet.

my frnds in school used to say i was a phiolosopher trying to earn his bread selling soap and powder
so yes i emphathise.

be strong.

all jobs are equally good and equaly bad you need to feel pride in doing it well

its a long one already .

Anonymous said...

well, we meet people of different kinds in the walk of our life. Do not take things seriously. yeh sab chalta hai. be strong. And i am sure, one day u will b having a good laugh with ur grand kids sharing these stuffs :D

Satish Bhat said...

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.

Good post Namrata ! Welcome back !

Anonymous said...

Just remember that end of B school is not the end of life...not a gyan...u will realize it when u come back to this post some years later....just a thot from an anonymous reader from ur blog..all the best for ur career ahead....no i dont know you..but still goin thru the blog i knew the news and hence wishing....

Unknown said...

Good one......after a long time though.....Wish to hear more often from u.....

Anonymous said...

Hey Sweetie...

First things first. Your profile is just great. Your credentials are linear, coherent and impressive! With ISB added to the list, it is something that will be valuable at every point of career in the future...whatever you do. Seize the day, buttercup...good luck in your new job....and excel your way thru.

Raju, The Gentleman

Vivek said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
dawn said...

I kind of know what you are talking about.You are used to doubting yourself.You do well. You start believing in yourself. And just when you are pulling yourself up, everything goes wrong. You are back to square one.
That's our bane,my friend -our fluctuating confidence level.
I found a way out-Take what you get and make the most of it.

Anonymous said...

Shakespeare, Greek, Roman mythology... is there any indian ingredient in your memory?
Just got the impression reading your blog.
Forgive me if I am mistaken..

Anonymous said...

Hilarious review of Jodha Akbar... deserves a Pulitzer for devastating commentary

Anonymous said...

hope you are well settled in your assignment...must be quite busy ... but see if you continue writing...want(a wish) to see your next blog soon ...

Vivek

Anonymous said...

aap indian ho?

Anonymous said...

i truthfully love your writing taste, very useful,
don't give up as well as keep posting mainly because it just simply worth to read it,
impatient to see additional of your own well written articles, have a good day!